My mom refuses to let me move out of our house. She paid for maintenance and appliances.

So, when I asked him to move out, he took out all the money he had invested and said that he would either take everything he bought or I would have to pay it back, and that was the end of the conversation. I am now in a relationship that is getting serious. We talked about moving in together. But my boyfriend gets mad at the way her mom treats me and how obsessed she is with fixing up my house.

I’m trying to pay off the house and I’m thinking about letting her continue to live there and renting out another room. My boyfriend proposes that he and I move into his apartment together, which means I will sell the house and his mother will move in alone. But her mom is getting older and she feels bad asking her to move even though it’s stressing her out.

I don’t like the idea of ​​selling my house in case things don’t work out with my boyfriend. He insisted on paying for a new house for us so I wouldn’t have to spend the money he made from selling the house. Instead, the money I make from selling will go towards retirement. But he also thinks selling will relieve me of stress. Because if my mother stays in my house and I rent another room, she will call me all the time.

My boyfriend thinks it will take a while to make a profit if he rents it out even after paying off the house, and he thinks he will make more money and be less stressed in the long run if he sells before it goes on the market. Tank. If I sell the house, her mother wants her share of the money spent on the house. His ideas are tempting.

He said that in a relationship we all have to make sacrifices but I think mine are bigger and I want to take time to think about it before selling. Any ideas or options?

Undefined

Dear TBC,

You seem to be the kind of person who makes all the sacrifices.

Instead of selling your house, focus on one thing at a time. You are also dealing with two separate issues. Living at home with your mom (a situation you would like to change) and not living with your boyfriend (a situation he would like to change). You can control both, but pay attention to the former first. After all, she is your mother, so resolving this situation amicably should be your top priority.

You have a filial and financial bond with your mother, and you feel indebted to your boyfriend, perhaps because you care for him and want to make sure your relationship works. But you can’t be everything to everyone. Because sooner or later you’ll find yourself putting everyone else first and taking on a small part of your own life story. So the first step is to decide what you need.

Telling people what you need is the first step in designing your life. “At this point in my life, I have to live alone.” Or, “I shouldn’t sell my house, but I should hold on to it because it is my sanctuary and an investment for my future.” Even if other people don’t listen or respect your needs – friends, boyfriend, family, etc. – you must respect your own needs and act accordingly.

As for the ethics of kicking your mother out of the house, that’s up to you to decide. She may have contributed financially to the upkeep of her property, but that does not give her the right to live there. infinity. The legal issues that apply to evicting a family member without a rental agreement vary from state to state. Of course, you can also formalize her agreement by asking her to sign her lease.

Legal regulations vary from state to state.

In Florida, to evict someone who does not have a lease, you must file what is called an unlawful detainer suit in county court. Unlike evictions, for this action, “the landlord is not required to provide notice to the family or individual being evicted,” according to the Law Offices of Brian Kowal. “This is because there is no landlord/tenant relationship. “If you file a claim for unlawful detention, you have five days to respond.”

Other states have similar laws. According to New York law firm Weiss & Weiss, “New York courts have ruled that family members (non-owners) cannot be evicted through summary proceedings if they reside in the property with the owner’s consent.” “Instead, an eviction action must be filed in the Supreme Court of the county where the building is located.”

“Expulsion lawsuits are carried out in the same way as regular lawsuits. After the summons and complaint are served on the parties, a response must be submitted within 20 to 30 days depending on the delivery method. After the plea, the defendant will have the opportunity to defend the case, obtain full evidence, and have the case tried if the case is not decided by consent.”

Of course, this is an extreme action, so there seems to be conflict. Now is the time to have an honest conversation with your mother about your future together. First you need to figure out what you want to do. You could rent her house and have her act as your de facto landlord, or you could both find alternative accommodations for her mother, and decide when you would like to make changes.

Take action based on what you believe is right, not what your boyfriend thinks is a good idea. It might simply be a good idea for him. The best way to decide whether to continue or change your lifestyle with your mother is to look at alternatives based on her income and savings. I am confident that if you work together and invest enough time, we can solve this problem.

If you have any financial or ethical questions, you can email The Moneyist at qfottrell@marketwatch.com and you can follow Quentin Fottrell on X, a platform previously known as Twitter.

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