My friend’s husband pressured her to quit her job and ‘lost’ her passport

But my friend complains that he gets angry easily and is extremely controlling. Her friends and I have witnessed controlling behavior like she has to manage her kids completely on her own and her husband doesn’t seem to care about her help at all. He also controls what she does and who she visits.

She complained that her husband kicked her out of the house on several occasions. Some friends and I would visit the couple at social gatherings, and we would veer between ignoring him completely or begging him to help us out more around the house. He simply ignores our advice. We didn’t witness her friend being kicked out of the house, but I believe her.

‘Lost’ passport

My friend’s husband has prevented her from continuing to work and she is now forced into the role of housewife, which she does not like. Although it sounds incredible and is clearly unfair, it is quite common in some cultures for women to be treated like this. Our friends of hers often discussed the problem and how we could help her.

These discussions often end with “We shouldn’t interfere in their lives” or “This is her fight and she needs to step back and know what to do.” On some level, you may be unsure or don’t want to ruin your friendship with her husband. My friend recently told her friends that her husband had “lost” his passport and was not filing a police complaint or getting a new one.

She told me today that she was so tired and wanted to go to her parents in India, but she didn’t have a passport. I sometimes wonder if her husband is just hiding his passport. I often thought I should call her authorities and tell them her problems and get them to help her.

However, I’m not sure if this is the right step. What should we do?

confused friend

Related: My ex-husband has life insurance on me and jokes that if I die he will be ‘suspect number one’. What can I do other than torment him?

To friend,

No one knows what goes on inside a relationship except the people involved.

However, there are signs of coercive control and financial and domestic violence that should not be ignored – whether by friends, family, hairdressers, manicurists or neighbors. We all must be vigilant. You can’t live someone’s life for them, but you can provide information to help them recognize what’s going on.

Coercive control and financial abuse are often linked. Most domestic abuse cases also involve financial abuse, and as noted in a research paper from the University of Wisconsin-Madison Center for Financial Security, financial problems can be linked to being with or being with an abusive partner. It’s one of the main reasons you stay together or get back together. The fact that her friend’s husband forced her to give up her job is a bad sign.

Unfortunately, all the signs are there. Your friend’s husband has deprived her of her source of income and ability to travel, and she is completely dependent on him for her money. Financial control and the gradual disintegration of her confidence go hand in hand. Other signs include financial exploitation, where an abusive partner forces the partner to repay debts or does so in his or her name.

How to Avoid Financial Exploitation

I am extremely reluctant to conflate your friend’s husband’s cultural background with his behavior. A man’s coercive control over his wife crosses every geographic border, and domestic violence is an epidemic in the United States.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Intimate partner violence is an ongoing public health problem that affects millions of Americans each year and disproportionately affects women and some racial/ethnic minority groups.”

Now your friend’s marriage and life may become her new normal. So if you think she’s at risk of being controlled and manipulated, let her know those signs and tell her you’re worried about her long-term well-being. A year can turn into 10 in the blink of an eye, and if she can’t do it herself, she might be willing to do it for her twin daughters.

Hale Robinson & Robinson, a law firm based in Kansas City, Missouri, says domestic abuse survivors must be financially prepared to leave because escape is only half the battle. They have to support themselves once they are out of the relationship. Otherwise, your chances of success will decrease. “Funds must be secured for transportation, shelter, food, and the ongoing legal battle,” the company adds.

There are women’s shelters that have detailed action plans on how to leave an abusive relationship, including the documentation she must bring with her. This includes bank account numbers, credit union and 401(k) information, copies of car titles, income tax returns for the past three years, and your partner’s Social Security and banking information.

Good luck in your efforts to protect your friend. good luck.

Please read: I lost $240,000 after a ‘friend’ I met on Instagram encouraged me to invest in cryptocurrency. Can I write off the loss?

Are you experiencing domestic violence or coercive control? call National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit us. thehotline.org. from free We are committed to establishing financial security for survivors of domestic violence; National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Support efforts to change situations that lead to domestic violence and coercive control.

If you have any financial or ethical questions, you can email The Moneyist at qfottrell@marketwatch.com and you can follow Quentin Fottrell on X, a platform previously known as Twitter.

Moneyist regrets that we are unable to answer questions individually.

Quentin Fottrell’s previous columns:

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